Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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