Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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