did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
