Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
