This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
