If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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