Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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