Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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