I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So much Jack, so little girl.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
