I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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