Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
