I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
