I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize