I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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