I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
