ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
