I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
