I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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