Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
