Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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