i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
