Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
