Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
