So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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