omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize