You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
