She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
