he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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