I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
