Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
