so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
