you have to choose: penises or morals?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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