I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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