she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
