I CAN MOONWALK!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize