Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Everclear isn't food dammit
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