Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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