I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize