I faked an abortion last night.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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