I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize
