This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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