Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
