As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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