Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
being pregnant is like rehab
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
