two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
