She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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