someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
