Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i've created a new STD.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
