her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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