hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
