so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
