...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
