If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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