She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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