trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize
