You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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