can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
