I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
