Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
