He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize