I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize