Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
