Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
