I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
