My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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