Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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