you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
