I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
