Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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