I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize