That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
