Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I will be naked everywhere
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
