so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
