Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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